The Day After Perfect

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One my favorite songs on Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill album is “Perfect.” The lyrics ventriloquize the inner thoughts of helicopter parents who urge their children to be the vicarious embodiment of their younger selves. Their do-over if you will. I hasten to add that my mother was not this type of parent: if anything, she nudged me away from my own perfectionist tendencies. I appreciate the song because it renders the expectation of perfection absurd. I’m channeling that spirit as I write to you today.

Writing regularly can sometimes feel amazing. At first, you feel motivated and so it isn’t as difficult to get to the work. That motivation turns into a fragile habit. Then, something happens like the writing could stop flowing or you could have a hectic day where you didn’t get to the writing. You’ve hit it: BAM! The day after perfect.

What I am about to say is a loose rendering of John Acuff’s work in Finish. The day after perfect is the place you get to that determines whether you have a habit or a finished streak. Often, we hope (against all hope) that “this time will be different” and we’ll start something and continue unimpeded toward success. Rarely do we plan for the fact that motivation wanes, obstacles abound, and support isn’t just what a bra does.

If you’ve already hit the day after perfect, great. You’re on your way toward success. To the degree that you learn from a slip-up and continue your journey, your writing project will flourish. If you are concerned that you will hit the day after perfect, I understand. You will. To the degree that you understand motivation is a farce, your goals will crystallize in front of you.

I encourage you to plan for the day after perfect.

For some of you, this will be an emotional safety plan. I get unduly irritated with myself for messing up, especially when I know the plan. I can sometimes catastrophize a small error. When I hit the day after perfect, I tend to support myself with some form of journaling so that I can turn it into a learning experience. I know some writers who struggle with shame. Because shame is an internalized emotion – that is, it is something we absorb from external narratives – shame loses its power when the source of those external narratives is exposed for the fraudulent message it is.

You can plan for the day after perfect with accountability. I am borrowing from Shanna Benjamin’s workshop on pre-hindsight. Imagine you’ve hit that wall or imagine you’ve not completed the goal. What got in the way? Why? What support do you need in order to ensure this does not happen?

The advanced move would be to reimagine the journey itself. You can expect a big surge of motivation when you first start. Then, something happens and you feel like your hopes have been dashed. You pick yourself up and find a groove. Then something happens and you lapse again. Another groove. Another lapse. On and on it goes until you cross the finish line.

This is journey better describes the way a project gets done. It also is the best source of growth. Smooth seas never made good sailors. Expect rough water. Prepare to meet it with the tools you have. And sail on.

Sail on.

Let me know if you need me. I’m an excellent first mate!