When All Bad is Good, Part 1

In January, when I was fresh off of a good deep night’s sleep and full of glittering writing dreams, my goal was to complete eight essay drafts by December. I will not meet this goal.

Fortunately, this is good.

I should tell you that I started with a great deal of momentum in January and I had one lovely draft of something by mid-February. I was asked to do another essay and figured it would pull double duty, but it required me to read Emile Durkheim’s book on suicide, so it took rather a long time. By the third essay, I was pushing toward the end of the school year and running out of ideas.

I did panic. I didn’t want to disappoint myself, but I didn’t have a choice. My carefully laid plans were unraveling. Rather quickly, I hasten to add. Plus which, I had no clue how the essay collection was coming together. I began to doubt that I even knew how to write an essay.

I complained.

I pouted.

I tried several unsuccessful attempts at writing. They didn’t work.

Then, I went back to the tried and true method of acquiring inspiration. I read. And, I tried to live my life. I also spoke to people about the collection.

Both the conversations on the page and the one-on-ones with friends helped me realize that I did have interesting things to say. They also helped me understand how the collection might cohere.

I haven’t quite made peace with the fact that I won’t have a solid draft of the book by year’s end. I am still disappointed.

However, I feel buoyed by the fact that I have a reliable process now. I have a better sense of direction now.

Writers often say “it always takes longer than you think.” And, that’s true. In some cases, it is because writing – even consistent writing, especially consistent writing – requires that you be in contact with your own mind. Sometimes, your own mind isn’t enough. The writing takes longer because the process is innately an uncertain one. When you are sailing the high seas of the imagination, you have to be prepared for storms. Luckily, smooth seas don’t make skillful sailors.